Sentiments of a Vulcan
by window124
Summary: As Spock enters into his final confrontation with the man who destroyed his world, he thinks on how things were, are, and could be in the future.
1. Chapter 1: Kahswan

Disclaimer: Paramount owns all of this

A/N: As I considered what would be the differences in Spock Prime's timeline and Spock in this universe timeline I came up with this storyline. I also wanted to explore what made Spock go into the decision of falling in love with Nyota. This is what I came up with. Enjoy.

2258

_The Jellyfish moved unlike any other ship he had ever controlled. Its motions were faster and its evasive capabilities smoother than most of the stimulations and shuttles he had trained in both on Vulcan and in Starfleet. It was a good ship and even though it was illogical to think it, he felt as if it were made just for him._

_The Narada was monstrous before him, its arms reaching to embrace him in his grip. No matter how good the Jellyfish was, it was no match for this craft of death. Spock took in a deep breath and set in his target on the computer mainframe._

_It would not be the first time Spock would confront death. _

2239

"Sarek, he cannot do this."

Spock crouched by the doorway, becoming still as he heard his parents move slightly towards him. The movements stilled and Spock braced the hard rock wall.

"He must do this, Amanda. He is of age."

"I…I can't let him do this. I can't let my son…"

"I went through it when I was a child. It is logical for my son to learn how to fend for himself."

"You were the one who said he couldn't go and play in the mountains! You were the one who punished him when he would not answer your calls! Now you want him to survive out there alone!"

"Amanda, we have discussed this numerous times. You are being illogical."

"I'm not being illogical. He is a boy. He's part human. He's seven years old and you want to put him out there in the wild for ten days without food, water, or any weapons to protect himself?"

Spock heard them shift farther into the common area, his hands sweaty and his hard hammering in his side.

"It is the Kahs-wan, Amanda. Vulcan children have endured it for centuries. Sybok has endured it and it has strengthened him in Surak's teachings. Spock must do the same. It is his birthright. I can no more deny this than I can deny my people."

"You mean the way they have denied you and your sons?" Amanda cried. "The way they have treated you, Sarek? He's tainted to them Sarek. You may think that Surak's teaching protects him from it but it doesn't. I can see the anger in him. I can see his sadness."

"Those emotions will leave him in time."

"Those emotions will never leave him. He's an outcast here. He could not even become betrothed because of the tensions between Vulcan and Earth."

Spock felt himself leaning more heavily against the wall. His mother was sad. He didn't like it when she was sad or worried about him. Even though his father said it was illogical to feel such things he could not help it. She was his mother. He had to protect her because sometimes it felt as if no one would.

"The tensions shall settle Amanda. It is more logical for Vulcan to stay a part of the Federation than to leave it. And Spock shall adjust. He will face the Kahs-wan next month."

"I want you to be honest Sarek. How many Vulcan boys die in Vulcan's Forge for this ritual?"

"10.9% . Those odds are favorable to my son and even if he fails he will be able to endure it again."

"10.9% is too much for me." Amanda responded. "1% would be too much danger to put my son through."

"Spock's human nature will not deter him from his path. I will admit that Spock may have some difficulty in Vulcan's Forge compared to other Vulcan children. He may be defeated by the elements. But eventually he will achieve his goal.

Spock stood at that moment and went to the stairs. Once again his father placed him below other Vulcan children. Once again he was seen as deficient, even in his own household. He would prove himself. He would show his father. He would show everyone on Vulcan that he could endure.

******

"I-Chaya, go home. You will impede my progress." Spock nudged the rather large sehlat away from himself. I-Chaya merely nuzzled his nose against Spock's hand. Spock stood still and gave a small sigh.

"If I must make it through Vulcan's Forge it may not be an abdication of the rules for me to bring my pet if he does not wish to leave me. Come, I-Chaya, we must not delay."

Spock had snuck out during the dead of night when his family was asleep. His small brown cloak protected him from the harsh winds but it was the only thing that he had for protection. He kept his hood over his head and made his way through the first part of his journey through Vulcan's Forge.

_I am walking on the path of Surak_, Spock contemplated, his eyes sweeping the desert.Through his father's many tales and songs he had heard of Surak walk against the trail of blood on to his way to enlightenment. He imagined the desert floor green with the blood of war hungry Vulcans and Surak's presence washing it away with logic.

The wind blew against him and he heard I-Chaya grunted with dissatisfaction behind him. Spock thought for a moment that maybe the sehlat was too old for this journey with him and that he might slow him down. He had had him since birth and his father owned the sehlet since he was a merely a cub. I-Chaya was loyal, but he was not as fast as he once was. Spock was debated on telling him to go back home again when he heard a small hiss in the distance.

I-Chaya growled and Spock tensed, his whole body becoming still. The hissing continued until it became a loud growl.

_A le'matya, _Spock thought. He looked ahead to the rocky ridges and hills but he could not spot it. His senses told him the deadly animal had to be somewhere nearby but he could not figure the direction due to the echoes of the Forge.

I-Chaya growled his displeasure and placed himself in front of Spock to protect him. Spock held back a small shiver and tried to keep his mind calm.

"It is illogical to be fearful. It is illogical to be fearful. It is illogical to be fearful." He whispered to himself. The growling in the distance became a full fledge roar. I-Chaya roared as well, running forward to protect his charge. The le'matya leaped from a rocky ledge, its green vemomous fangs dripping with poison. Spock froze in fear as it attacked his pet.

"I-Chaya!" Spock yelled as his pet was bitten. I-Chaya let out a yelp but continued to swipe and scrape at the le'matya.

_I must not let emotion control me._ Spock thought to himself with a sudden clarity. It was this small thought that saved his life. He eased his panic and slowly searched for something that could help him. A small sharp rock came into his vision and he quickly ran to retrieve it.

Logically, he calculated the altitude and velocity he would need to defeat the monstrous beast. He moved swiftly up a small hill and focused on the le'matya.

_Le'matya's are sensitive on the back of their heads_. Spock raised his arms and held the heavy rock with both hands. As the Le'matya bit into I-Chaya's neck Spock threw the rock onto its head with all his might.

******

"Spock!"

Spock did not look up from where his eyes kept him. Sybok's motions were smooth and fast, his hood bobbing up and down across his forehead. Sybok paused as he saw the carnage in front of him.

"Spock, have you received injury?"

"I am fine, my brother. I-Chaya is dead."

I-Chaya lay underneath the dead le'matya, his tongue protruding from his mouth. Spock had sat beside the scene contemplating.

"I-Chaya protected me. This was illogical as I have no means to give him food or water nor have I ever given him affection. His logical drive would have been to run for safety."

"I-Chaya is an animal. Logic does not apply to him, Spock."

Spock stared at I-Chaya again. "I was logical and survived. He was not and he has died."

"Come Spock. Your mother and father request you."

Spock stood up and dusted himself off. He then ran off with his brother.

*****

"Spock!"

He felt her grasp him harder than she had ever grasped him before. It almost took the air from his lungs. He could hear her cries and feel her tears on his neck. He wished for her not to worry.

"Mother, I am fine."

"Don't you ever do that again! Do you understand me?"

"This is quite illogical mother."

She pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. "I don't care if it's illogical or not. You are my son and I love you."

It was the first time that Spock did not return her sentiment.


	2. Chapter 2: KalToh

Disclaimer: Belongs to Paramount.

******

2258

_Spock swerved against the Narada's onslaught diving underneath the vessel with the Jellyfish. His "talk" with Nero had not produced much other Nero determined to kill him more than ever. He was not used to such emotion from a species that was similar to his. Nero was not logical. His anger had killed Vulcan and was now to kill another planet. His mother's planet._

_Spock turned the Jellyfish and made his way back towards the mouth of the Narada. He had to be ready if he was to save Earth._

2246

"It is illogical that a half-breed have such skill in kal-toh."

Spock face remained impassive as he studied Savon across from him at the table. A group of other Vulcans surrounded them and the kal-toh board in complete silence.

"You underestimate my skill. I have improved over 50% since the last time we met."

The boy nodded, a small smirk rising in his face. "It is of no concern."

Spock picked up his t'an. "Let us begin."

Both boys played with an underlying tension that was unbecoming of Vulcan. Their silence after each move serving as daggers of intellect, their silent audience watching each move with interest. Savon was the one who broke the silence.

"Impressive for a half- human."

"You wish to distract me." Spock continued, placing his t'an into a good spot. "What you have said is irrelevant to the current game we are playing."

"I see its relevance. It is said that those who are of hybrid blood among animal species have some forms of retardation due to the innate incompatibility of genes. Logically, my blood and my intellect is superior to yours."

"Irrelevent. Continue Savon, it is your move."

Savon placed his t'an stick in the center of all of the sphere and suddenly Spock realized his mistake. Savon glanced at him impassively.

"I do believe that if you remove your next stick that the sphere shall collapse upon itself. It is logical to admit defeat now."

Spock looked around to see his classmates awaiting his next move. Spock took his hand and gently removed a t'an stick, making the form collapse within itself.

"My calculations were correct on both your next move and your inferiority to me." Savon stood and walked off from the table, the other Vulcan children following behind him. One pair of eyes turned to glanced at Spock, her brown irises showing a moment of sadness, but then she turned and walked out with the rest of the group.

Spock held in a breath and clenched his hands together, looking at the broken sphere in front of him. He had failed again. He knew that he must try harder.

******

"Spock, your brother is coming to visit us today."

Spock walked up the stairs without acknowledging his mother and unconcerned with his brother's presence for that day. He had to meditate to get over his anger at Savon and his frustration at losing once again to him in front of T'Pren.

T'Pren. It was hard to get her out of his mind no matter how many hours of meditation he had attempted to try. She was one of the few Vulcans who were truly logical among his peers and someone who had not spurred him as an outsider and traitor to his race.

And she was betrothed to Savon, making his defeat at his hands twice as humiliating. Spock was the one without a mate. The one no one wanted. The one who would probably die from being without a mate during his pon farr. His father had tried to find him other mates but none were willing to be bound to a hybrid child of inferior blood. While most boys of fourteen knew whom they would be connected to and had a surety of continuing their family lines, Spock's human blood prevented him of having the same confidence in his own future.

"Spock."

He turned his head to see his mother walk into his room, which was spare and bare except for his bed and his meditation candles. She looked pensive and he felt immediately ashamed of having ignored her earlier.

"I apologize mother if I have offended you. I was eager to start my meditations."

"It's okay Spock. You have a lot on your plate. I know your exams are coming up."

"I am fully prepared mother. You should not worry."

She walked up to him and placed her hand on his cheek. "I always worry. I can't help it. I'm human which I'm reminded of every day."

"Mother, has someone been bothering you again?"

"It's nothing Spock. Nothing I haven't gotten used to."

He felt an anger welling up inside of him at the thought of his mother in pain. He had learned how to endure the merciless teasing and the disparaging comments about his father and brother. He had learned to deal with being an outsider in his own land. But he could never learn how to deal with the snide remarks and daily barbs aimed at his mother. She could not help if she were human and felt. She was not of Vulcan and she was not ashamed of her emotions or the love of her family.

She had told him once that it was not always like this for her on Vulcan. That while in the beginning of their marriage there had been many adjustments to Vulcan society that she had struggled to make, but after the U.S.S Kelvin had been destroyed the hostility against her had been tremendous. It was Sarek's status that had saved her from the worst of it, but much like her son, she was an outsider and outcast from Vulcan society.

"Spock, I'm okay." She put her hand on his neck and he lowered his head so she could plant a kiss on his forehead. "You are getting so tall. I'm so proud of you."

"Pride is a ridiculous emotion mother. I am merely doing my function as a Vulcan."

"And you are becoming more like your father every day." Amanda laughed causing Spock to raise his eyebrow.

******

There was a gentle silence at the table as Sarek and his family ate together. It was the first time in four years that they had all sat under one roof since Sybok's marriage and they enjoyed the food cooked for the occasion.

"Sybok, I have heard that you are making quite the name for yourself as a scholar at the academy."

Sybok looked at Amanda with a blank expression. "I do believe that is a slight exaggeration. I am but performing my duties and efficient at my task of translation."

Amanda merely grinned and took a bite out of her food. Sarek glanced at her and said nothing more.

"I have to say that although I am efficient at my duty, I find myself increasingly bored."

All movement stopped. Sarek lowered his drinking cup and stared at his eldest son. Spock actually looked up from the table.

"Being bored is irrelevant to your task. I did not send you to be under the tutelage of Sutak for banal emotionality. I sent you to learn."

"It is not banal emotionality, father. I speak the truth. Most of the philosophies found with Sutak are things I have already known. It is all logic. It is all found from Surak. It is trite."

Spock took his glass cup and drained it of its water while Amanda almost coughed out her food. The silence was no longer gentle but as hostile as a desert storm.

"Surak's teachings are not trite. You, of all of Vulcan, should know that."

Sybok did not back down. "I thought we abandoned our gods long ago, father. Now I know all we have done is replaced them with a new one."

"I will not dignify this with an answer." Sarek said as he stood. He walked out of the room as Amanda got up to follow him. Spock simply sat, unsure of what to make of what Sybok had said. Sybok took in a breath and looked at his younger brother.

"I am sorry for ruining your dinner, my brother. I am afraid I am no longer welcome in our father's house."

Sybok stood and walked away from the table as well, leaving Spock alone with his thoughts.

*****

"Spock."

Spock stood still, his right foot on the first step leading to his bedroom and his second foot on the foyer floor. He looked into the dark of the next room only to see a silhouette of his father sitting in front of an open window, the Vulcan stars and sky purple and red in the night. Spock placed his foot down and went towards his father.

"Yes, father."

"You have heard of what Sybok had done."

Spock nodded his head, unsure of what he should say. Sybok had turned away from his logic. Away from Surak's teaching. And now he was banished for trying to make other believe as he did. He was no longer Vulcan. He was a V'tosh ka'tur, one without logic, and he had been exhiled.

"Your mother is asleep." Spock could not see his face and did not know if he wanted to. "Go find my lute."

Spock found his father's lute and was about to give it to him when Sarek held up his hand. "I wish for you to play it."

"I am insufficient in comparison to you, father."

"It does not matter. None of it does. Play."

Spock sat, his legs crossed together, and plucked the strings. When he had played the lute before, his mental calculations of where to pluck and the rhythm to follow were utmost in his mind, but on this night he simply played, his fingers stroking the strings intimately. He believed he had never played the lute better than on this night. Sarek stared out at the stars in silence and Spock wondered if he was thinking of his first son.

*****

"Fascinating."

Savon stared at the completed sphere in wonder. Spock looked at his work with detachment.

"It seems your theory of hybrid genes being inferior is incorrect. I do not take insult at your lack of knowledge."

Savon glared at Spock and stood up, the rest of his classmates following him. T'Pren turned her head to look at him and instead of sadness for him, her eyes looked glad.

Spock looked at the sphere again and his lips quirked up on their sides. For one moment, he would be proud.


	3. Chapter 3: Tal'oth

Disclaimer: Paramount owns this.

******

2258

_The photon torpedoes were headed straight for him. Even if he avoided one, he found it improbably that he would avoid another. But he had to try. He had to stop this. _

_Spock was Earth's only hope._

2250

"You look like the wolf man."

Spock raised his eyebrow at his mother's comment. "Wolf man?"

Amanda ran her fingers through his hair as she examined him. "On Earth, we have a myth of the wolf man. Very hairy person."

"Fascinating." Spock was sitting on floor while his mother took out her scissors and began to cut his hair. She was the only person he allowed to touch him this way and the only person he let touch his hair. Not that many on Vulcan touched anyway, but Spock, even on the verge of manhood, appreciated her care for him and affection. He would never admit it to her and was embarrassed by such emotion, but it did not stop him from sitting down and letting her cut his hair much like she did when he was a child.

His hair had grown exceptionally long. It was longer than it had ever been in his life and he wore facial hair for the first time. Undergoing the Rite of Tal'oth and learning how to survive with just his blade for six months had taught him discipline and a oneness with his katra he had never known before. Walking the path of Surak, surviving on his logic, finding water on seemingly barren land, had made him wiser.

He had defeated a sa-te kru cat with just his bare hands and a well placed nerve pinch. He had brought down the cat as well as his own nature and emotion. He was ready to lead a life of logic.

He did not know how to tell his mother he wished to purge himself of all emotion.

"So much hair. Your grandfather had hair like yours."

"As you have told me on many occasions."

Amanda continued to snip at his hair and he sat patiently, unmoving. They both took in the silence and breathed in the serenity.

"Mother…"

"Yes, Spock."

"I am applying to Starfleet Academy."

She stopped cutting and planted her hands on her lap. Spock turned his body to look at her.

"Starfleet? But you…."

"I have applied to the Vulcan Science Academy. It is still my first choice."

"I thought it was your only choice, Spock."

"Before the Tal'oth I believed it was as well."

"What changed?"

Spock considered his mother for a moment. She looked so much older, even for the short time he had been gone. How much had she seen and experienced while he had been gone? How many nights had she spent awake worried for him?

"I found that Starfleet has many opportunities for me that may not be available on Vulcan or in the Science Academy. It will enable me to expand my expertise on of different technologies that even Vulcan could be unaware of."

"What about your father?"

"I shall tell him in my own time." Spock examined her face again. "I thought you would be pleased by my decision to consider Starfleet."

She gave him a small smile. "I will always be pleased with you. I…I just want you close to me."

"I see."

Amanda put his face in her hands. "I want you to do what is right for you, Spock. That's all I've ever wanted."

Spock gave a short nod and Amanda's smile widened.

"Now let's get you cleaned up. You're stinking up the whole house."

*****

"T'Pren."

"Spock, you have returned from your Tal'oth."

"Indeed I have."

The market was bustling with people, a surprising chaos in the heart of Shi'Khar, a place renowned for its peaceful streets and quiet scenery.

"It is an honor to see you again, son of Sarek. Your presence was missed at the Atheneum."

Spock thought of his classmates and doubted her statement. He gazed into her amber eyes and found that she was more beautiful than he remembered. She had matured somehow and a small part of him wished that he could have seen her beauty grow into maturation.

But those were the thoughts of another Spock. A Spock that could not think those things any longer.

"I have heard you are now Savon's wife."

"Indeed. He is a good husband and supporter."

"Fascinating."

"He should be with me at any moment."

Spock spotted Savon before she did and Savon spotted him. For a moment he could see a flash of anger in the other man's eyes before Savon quickened his pace.

"T'Pren. You are taking too long. We shall leave."

"I was just greeting Spock."

"We shall return home immediately."

T'Pren nodded her head and looked towards Spock. "Peace be with you, Spock."

"Live long and prosper."

Savon grabbed her arm and walked roughly with her through the market.

*****

"Mother."

"I will convince him to come see you at Starfleet. He cannot abandon his son forever."

Spock did not reply, knowing logically the fallacy of that statement. He could not tell his mother the look on his father's face as he rejected his entry to the Vulcan Science Academy. How Sarek had walked past him as he tried to explain his position and why Starfleet was the better option. How he had avoided him when he had come to collect his things from his own home.

"Mother, do not worry about this."

"You make sure that you wrap yourself up tight. It can be a lot colder on Earth than it is here."

"Mother."

"And don't get too disorientated by all the emotion. They are human, they can't help it."

"Mother…I will be fine."

His mother's eyes watered and she wiped them away so he wouldn't see them. Spock felt discomforted by her emotion but at the same time relieved that this would stay the same even though he was leaving.

"And I will take care of that hard-headed father of yours."

Spock looked towards the transport that was going to take him to Earth to see that the pilot was ready to go.

"Mother. I wish for you to take care of yourself as I will no longer be able to…."

"I've always taken care of myself. And I'll take care of your father too."

"Mother…"

"He loves you, Spock. No matter how angry he seems, he will never stop loving you."

Spock wished to tell her that love was illogical but stopped himself. "Live long and prosper, Mother."

Amanda reached out and hugged him much like she had when he had returned from his first kahs-wan. Spock closed his eyes but his hands never left his sides.

"I love you, Spock. I will always love you."


	4. Chapter 4: Kobayashi Maru

Disclaimer: Paramount owns this.

*****

2254

Earth, Spock found, was a fascinating place. There were many different places to see and explore. Many different weathers to experience (he found he was as uncomfortable in cold as much as his mother said he would). And, he found much to his own surprise, many different emotions to encounter among the different species in Starfleet academy.

It was not his first time coming to Earth as his father had brought him, his brother, and mother there many times in an official capacity. Sarek had found it was logical to bring his family along with him from time to time to make relations between him and other species into a more productive climate as other ambassadors to the Federation had families that they would bring as well. But Spock had never experienced the myriad of ways to express emotion among other races. A Tellerite and an Orion would express sexual interest differently with a Tellerite barely showing notice while an Orion had once boldly approached him and wondered if his Vulcan ears were as sensitive as rumored. Andorians were much more emotional than he could tolerate which is why his first roommate had to move as the Andorian would whine from morning to night about his lack of emotion and coldness.

Which left him with his very human roommate, who was out of the room much of the time in the company of other cadets. Which brought him to Earth's one similarity to Vulcan.

He was alone. He was the only Vulcan among this group of different planetary races. No one knew what he was about although many had questions.

_Can you really mind read?_

_Is it true that you can go without food for months?_

_There is not much said about Vulcan mating rituals? Do you have sex?_

_Can I touch your ears?_

His quick rebuttals lead many to stop asking him questions and for the most part by himself. His instructors were the only ones who kept up an interest in him and his potential. Spock slightly preferred it this way although he found being that Grandmaster at three dimensional chess entertained his logical interest in intellectual challenge. But for the most part he kept to himself, working on computer programs and stimulations. It was this one program that had captured his imagination and which he had devoted his full effort towards.

"What are you working on?"

Spock looked up from his panel at his roommate who had uncharacteristically sat beside him in their common room. Usually at this time of night Klein Mitchell would be out and partying with his friends.

"I am working on a simulation that can test ability and aptitude in those who wish to command a star ship vessel."

"That's interesting. Can I see it?"

Spock raised his eyebrow but handed over the panel to Mitchell out of curiousity of what he would say.

"This…this is some heavy stuff." Mitchell remarked, his brown fingers rubbing his chin. "So there is no way to win on this program?"

"Theoretically….yes. The program cannot be defeated."

"Tell me more."

And Spock began to explain through the rest of the night.

*****

"What went wrong? I wasn't supposed to…"

"I have no idea…Cadet Spock."

Cadet Spock raised himself from behind his science panel. "Yes, Lieutenant."

"Cadet Mitchell just beat your unbeatable stimulation."

"It is merely a prototype."

"Understandable, but it had the same result none the less."

"I…cannot answer why Cadet Mitchell was able to defeat the programming."

Lt. Sanders gave Spock an easy smile. "It seems you have more work to do. I have no doubt you will get all the kinks out before our presentation in front of the Admiral Barrett."

"Yes sir."

Lt. Sanders left the stimulated bridge and Cadet Mitchell sat back in his seat. "That was embarrassing."

"I do not know what went wrong. All of the…"

"I beat the stimulation by doing something unexpected."

"Yes, your maneuver was rather ingenious even if not in Starfleet protocol."

"That's the problem. The program didn't anticipate spontaneous action. It was only in the perimeters of Starfleet regulation."

"I do not understand. The program is to enhance a cadet's ability to be in command of a starship according to Federation dictates."

"Spock…not everybody is a Vulcan. They don't follow regulations like a machine."

"I do not get your meaning."

Cadet Mitchell rose from the captain's chair to face him. "We didn't take into account realistic actions of cadets in the scenario to break rules. Therefore, it is flawed and can be beaten."

******

"You're handsome for a Vulcan."

Spock stared at the woman in front of him for a moment and in a split second believed she heavily intoxicated. She touched his chest and Spock backed up and pushed her hands away.

"C'mon Spock. This is the first time I've ever seen you at a party. Loosen up with me."

When Cadet Mitchell suggested that Spock get in touch with the emotion of other cadets he did not know he meant copulation with a fourth year cadet. Spock stared around the party to look for Mitchell to see him pressed up against the bar and talking to a blonde human woman. Mitchell glanced at him and gave him a thumbs up before continuing his conversation. He was in a trap that the Tal'oth didn't prepare him for.

"This is rather illogical, Cadet Winston."

"Who gives a damn. I like you….maybe you like me." She leaned closer to him and touched his chest again her hand sliding lower. "I know underneath all that logic bullshit is a red hot burning man who wants affection just like every other person."

He paused for a second and let her touch him, ashamed that he had missed another's touch and had not had touch for over four years. This was not like his mother's touch and it called to him in a way that felt…alien to him. It was not until she reached lower….much lower that he had a reaction. He pushed her hand away and backed away.

"That is inappropriate, Cadet Winston. It is against code 42, section 5 to touch another's genitalia without consent."

"I won't tell if you won't tell."

"Spock, come on man. Come to the patio with me." Mitchell yelled over the music and waved his hands toward the patio.

Spock quickly bolted towards the patio where it was just he and Mitchell with a beer in his hands. Mitchell held back a laugh and smile. "Having fun Spock?"

"It is…rather fascinating."

"Winston's a wild cat."

Spock's eyebrows rose. "Why would Cadet Winston be a feline?"

"I didn't mean that….nevermind."

Mitchell went closer to the railing and Spock followed, both men observing the beauty of the San Francisco Bay before them.

"Man, my mother always dreamed of me being here one day."

Spock remained silent as Mitchell had another drink of beer. Mitchell's eyes were glassy.

"I should dislike you, Spock."

Spock gazed at him. "That is illogical."

"A lot of things are illogical, Spock. Doesn't mean that they aren't true."

"Why would you have animosity towards me?"

"I…my mother died on the U.S.S. Kelvin when I was two."

Spock remained silent as Mitchell looked out at the bay. He knew that Vulcan's had hostilities towards humans because of the Kelvin incident due to pressure from the Andorians and Humans coming together to force their relationship with the Romulans from secrecy to the point where Vulcan had threatened to leave the Federation. His father was one of the keys in keeping Vulcan in the Federation and the alliance intact, though barely. It had left Sarek with the reputation of being a betrayer. Not only had he picked Earth over Vulcan but he had even chosen a human woman to mate with. He was a traitor and his sons were traitors. It had followed Serak and his family for years and now this incident was before him again.

"I keep thinking…maybe if Vulcan had told us about the Romulans before, that they shared ancestry, that my mother's ship would have been prepared for what happened. That she would be here with me. She was the reason I went to Starfleet even though my father objected. I'm here for her."

Spock did not reply but kept his silence.

"But that's not your fault. You're part human right? Your mom, she's a human like my mother is a human." Mitchell turned to Spock, his brown face in pain. "She's still here."

"Indeed."

"So I keep thinking that you have to have some human in you, even though you pretend not to."

"It is irrelevant."

Mitchell smiled. "Just because it's irrelevant doesn't mean it isn't true."

******

By the fourteenth cadet who had failed, Admiral Barrett thought they were on to something.

"This is an excellent program gentlemen. I think that more test should be conducted but I believe it is a knock out in terms of a graduation project. Lt. Sanders should be proud."

Mitchell smiled and Spock raised his eyebrows while his hands were behind his back.

"What is this program called?"

"The Kobayashi Maru."


	5. Chapter 5: She Walks In Beauty

Disclaimer: Belongs to Paramount. "She Walks in Beauty" belongs to Lord Byron. "Ava Maria" belongs to Franz Schubert

*******

2258

_He avoided the first torpedo and came close to being hit by the second. He was surprised to see the third torpedo hit by phaser fire of another ship._

_The Enterprise was here._

2256: First Semester

He had seen her in his class before but did not know she could sing with such beauty until now. He kept his presence unnoticeable in the back of the auditorium, his concentration on his own lute forgotten.

He had heard better singers in his life, some even on Vulcan, but there was something about the tone of her voice that spoke to him. That made her noticeable. Her pitch was admirable but not astonishing. Her talent was good, but not amazing. But he was struck by how he, for a moment, didn't really care about any of that watching her. There was no calculation of the trajectory of her sound waves echoing off the walls or determining the amount of force it took her to get out her long notes. She was…she was beautiful.

Spock took a long blink and began concentrating on his own piece he was performing for the night on his Vulcan lute. Thinking of a cadet this way was…illogical.

*****

"That was an excellent performance, Lt. Commander Spock. I admired it greatly."

Spock held his drink of water and looked at the admiral. "I appreciate your praise, Admiral Barrett."

"And look here, Cadet Uhura! Come over here."

Spock kept his face impassive as she approached. She was out of her chorale robes and in her Starfleet uniform but she was still taking his breath away. Uhura gave a bright smile and walked towards both men.

"You sung like an angel tonight."

"Thank you, sir." She looked towards Spock. "And what did you think of it, Lt. Commander?"

"I believe it was adequate but not masterful."

He was confused by her flinch and the admiral cleared his throat. "Have I said something offensive?"

"No, Lt. Commander." Uhura covered. "You were being honest."

With a small nod, she turned and walked away towards the other performers of the night and Spock followed her with his eyes.

******

"Lt. Commander, can I ask you a question."

Spock looked up from his PADD to see Cadet Uhura by his door. He pointed towards the small chair on the other side of his desk and she took her seat.

"What is your question, Cadet Uhura?"

"I just wanted to know what was so adequate about my performance at the concert?"

"This is not about your studies?"

"No, it is not about my studies. I believe I'm doing beyond adequate at that task."

Spock thought on the work she had turned in for him and agreed with her assessment. She was the best student in the class without question. Maybe even one of the best students he had encountered at the academy.

"Indeed, cadet. You are doing admirably."

"I'm a perfectionist."

"And this brings you to me because you believe I misjudged your performance last week?"

"I worked very hard on that piece, sir. I know that Vulcan's have beyond average hearing so I want to know what you heard that no one else did."

"No one else has said that you had an adequate performance."

"Not one person."

"Fascinating."

"So I want to know what you heard that makes you different."

"It is irrelevant, cadet."

"Not to me, sir."

Spock dropped his PADD and gazed at her. "If you wish, Cadet Uhura. Please sing."

She almost seems shocked at his acquiescence and took a moment to compose herself. She then sung with as much passion as she could find. Spock closed his eyes, examining the information that was coming through his ears. He then held up his hand to stop her.

"Your pitch is .23476 off of the note you wish to acquire."

Uhura glared at him for a moment. "You wish for perfection. No one would be able to hit a note with that much precision."

"You said you were a perfectionist. I merely held you to your word."

Uhura stood and looked at him. "Thank you for your time, Lt. Commander."

She walked out the door and his eyes followed her.

******  
"I would have never taken you as someone who would like Byron."

Spock looked up from his grading to see her look through his library where his collection laid. His mother had given him the paper books as a present for his graduation from the academy and his new job as an instructor. She had written that no true teacher could go without the classic in their original form. She was trying to make up for his father's absence at his ceremony in her own way with the present as well.

"Why would you assume I do not know of Byron, Cadet Uhura?"

"I don't know." Uhura said as she touched her hand to the spine of the anthology. "It doesn't seem…logical for a Vulcan to know of a poet of such emotion."

"Earth customs and artists are not unknown on Vulcan, Miss Uhura."

"Yes, but don't you believe you are missing something in translation when you read it by not being able to access your emotions?"

"We believe it is not necessary."

"You are missing out, I think."

Since their first office meeting she had come back every Friday to discuss the problems as he saw them with her singing and these conversations had drifted to other subjects. It was not unusual to find them both in his office, involved in discussion for hours. It was his suggestion they move their conversations to Friday, as he had no office hours on those days and many cadets used their weekends in other activities than trying to talk to their Vulcan instructor.

"My mother was an earth teacher. I have heard Byron with emotion. It was…fascinating."

Uhura picked up the volume and looked at the table of content. She smiled as she reached the page she wanted.

She walks in beauty, like the night  
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;  
And all that's best of dark and bright  
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:  
Thus mellow'd to that tender light  
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,  
Had half impair'd the nameless grace  
Which waves in every raven tress,  
Or softly lightens o'er her face;  
Where thoughts serenely sweet express  
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,  
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,  
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,  
But tell of days in goodness spent,  
A mind at peace with all below,  
A heart whose love is innocent!

Spock kept his eyes on his PADD as if he did not hear and Uhura closed the book and put it back on the shelf.

"That's always been my favorite. I'll see you later, Lt. Commander."

Spock watched her leave as he always did. She did not hear his silent confession as his door slid shut.

"It is one of my favorites as well."

******

"Performing a solo for the Starfleet Chorale Choir, Cadet Nyota Uhura."

He watched as she made her way towards the center of the stage, a small smile on her face, and take a deep breath. He was once again in the back, unnoticed, and unseen. She began to sing.

"Ave Maria  
Gratia plena  
Maria, gratia plena  
Maria, gratia plena  
Ave, ave dominus  
Dominus tecum  
Benedicta tu in mulieribus  
Et benedictus  
Et benedictus fructus ventris  
Ventris tuae, Jesus.  
Ave Maria"

Spock stood still, his eyes closed, and thought of his father as he played his lute so long ago. He had never understood what his father had wanted. Not until now.

"Ave Maria  
Mater Dei  
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus  
Ora pro nobis  
Ora, ora pro nobis peccatoribus  
Nunc et in hora mortis  
Et in hora mortis nostrae  
Et in hora mortis nostrae  
Et in hora mortis nostrae  
Ave Maria"

The applause was deafening and the audience stood. Spock stood still, not clapping, his hands behind his back. Uhura smiled widely and took a bow. Spock took in a deep sigh, deeper than he'd probably ever taken.

"Masterful." Spock admitted to himself underneath the applause, "Absolutely masterful."

He was unsure whether he meant the performance or the girl.


	6. Chapter 6: Breathe

2257: Second Semester

"You are late again, Miss Uhura."

Cadet Uhura put down her work satchel in his office and quickly sat down in front of his desk. She looked exhausted and worn down, a small strand of her hair framing the side of her face.

"I'm sorry Commander Spock. I apologize for my lateness."

"This is the third time in two weeks, Cadet."

"I understand sir."

"Your duty as my aide was given to you with the strict understanding of your duties. You were given this position over many fourth year cadets who applied. I do not wish for you to lose your place due to a lack of responsibility nor give you demerits due to your inability to observe time."

Cadet Uhura nodded her head in agreement. "It will not happen again sir. I value the opportunity that has been given me."

Spock eyes went back down to his PADD and Uhura reached down into her satchel to retrieve hers. They graded reports in silence, on the sound of their breathing entering his ears.

Spock twitched his head slightly at the sound of her breathing. It was…different today. It was not the easy breathing that he had become accustomed to in their time together but instead her breathing was slightly harsher and harder than normal as if connected to physical exertion. It was distracting.

"Cadet Uhura, your breathing is abnormal."

Uhura stared up from her PADD and glanced at him. "What, sir?"

"Your breathing. It is abnormal."

"I…um…"

"If engaging in exercise is causing your lateness I can assert that you seem in peak physical condition."

Uhura held back a laugh and then cleared her throat. "Thank for the compliment."

"It is not a complement but merely the truth."

Uhura gave him a wry smile and put her PADD down. "I wasn't exercising, Commander. I was working on my posture and attacks for my self defense class."

"Interesting."

"I…I've been having problems with it lately. My instructor told me that if I don't pass the midterm I may fail the class."

Spock raised his eyebrow. "Are you unable to keep up with the class?"

"It's not being able to keep up. I'm just having difficulty in guarding against Klingon attacks. Their movements are different from what I'm used to and it makes me feel unbalanced."

"Have you gone to your instructor about your concerns?"

"Yeah, but he's such a hard ass….I mean, he doesn't want to offer me assistance except during his office hours and those hours are only for written reports."

Spock pardoned her inappropriate language, placing his PADD down on his desk.

"Is this why you have been so tardy recently?"

Uhura nodded her head slowly. "I have been sleeping past my alarm. I practice pretty much all night but I still can't get it down."

Spock thought for a moment and then glanced up at her.

"Would it be possible for me to help you with your self defense?"

Uhura's eyes widened in surprise. "I…uh…"

"I am adept at many forms of combat and would be able to assist you to learn how to defend against Klingon attack."

"That would be…be very generous sir, but I'm sure that you have a lot on your plate."

"I do not understand what my dietary habits have to do with training you."

"Um…what I mean is…I'm sure your schedule is busy."

"Oh. You have just used a colloquialism. I am not very busy. I will be able to assist you without problem."

Uhura swallowed. "Okay."

"Then it is agreed upon."

Uhura nodded again and Spock looked down at his PADD, continuing to grade as if he had said nothing at all.

******  
They agreed to Saturdays as an appropriate day and met in the academy training room in the early morning before even the sun rose. Spock stretched out silently, stretching his arms to touch his toes as he sat on the floor. He gave a quick look at Uhura to see her massaging her thigh muscles inside of her white exercise pants. Spock had never seen her outside of her uniform or choir robes before and took note of her exposed arms and the effect they were having on him. He closed his eyes for a second and then took in a breath. It was of no consequence. He could endure these feelings as he had endured other before them.

"Are you ready, Cadet Uhura?"

"Yeah. What do you want to start with?"

"We shall spar."

A look of slight unease took went over her features but she nodded her head and crouched into defense. Spock looked at her posture and pinpointed the weak areas. He then put up his own defensive posture. She attacked first, kicking her legs towards his knees and he quickly jumped back. Uhura jumped back as well. They circled one another when Uhura launched her second attack, her padded right fist jabbing towards his face. Spock knocked her hand over, dipped, and hit her squarely in the chest.

She fell quickly, gasping for air, and collapsed to the padded floor. Spock was with her in seconds, his fingers framing her face.

_Breathe. Calm your breath and your pain will go away._

"Breathe." She repeated, gasping for air, "Calm your breath and your pain will go away."

Her breathing slowed and Spock lifted his fingers, watching as she recovered herself. Finally her breathing returned to normal. Spock looked towards the window to the rising sun.

"You fight with emotion."

Uhura said nothing but sat up. Spock looked at her.

"You only think of conquering your opponent and of your own movements. You're struggles, Miss Uhura, are due to you inability to stay within the moment of battle. It is illogical."

"What did you just do to me?"

"Do not concern yourself with it."

"I want to know."

"When Vulcans train, we do not fear pain as humans do as pain is but for a fleeting moment in comparison to the truth of logic. You have learned a valuable lesson that you will not forget. You have learned I will not show you mercy or give you room for error."

Uhura took a deep breath. "I would have it no other way."

*******

He observed her taking her drink of water as if he had never seen the sight before. She was sweaty and looked as if she had been through Tal'oth herself, but also satisfied. They had been training for several weeks and she had gotten better at a rapid pace. She took his instruction to heart and improved on her posture and techniques. The incident during their first sparring was not repeated, and a small part of Spock was thankful, as grazing her mind had been a heady experience. He had not picked up her thoughts, as the mind meld had been shallow, but he did pick up on an overwhelming amount of emotion.

Fear, anger, frustration, humiliation. These were emotions he could dismiss. But he could not dismiss the last he felt as her breath began to calm. Attraction.

She was attracted to him. He had expected her to be intrigued or fascinated by him. But her attraction and…lust, surprised him. And he was surprised by his own reaction of affection in the second it took to cut off his connection to her. He should have never melded with her, even if it was a common practice in Vulcan when a student first learned fighting techniques. He had not had this much turmoil over a woman since T'Pren, but just like with T'Pren, he was determined to fight it. He had mastered his emotions for T'Pren and he would master them over Uhura as well. After all, what was the worth of mastering emotions one did not have?

"So, Commander, you were trained as a child correct?"

"Indeed." Spock replied, taking a seat next to her.

"No wonder why you haven't even broken out a sweat yet."

"Vulcans are taught from a young age to be able to defend themselves through logic and perseverance. I encountered my first kahs wan when I was but seven years old."

"Kahs wan? That means perseverance among the elements, doesn't it?"

The corner of Spock's lips turned up. "You are very astute, Cadet Uhura."

Uhura turned to him. "Wasn't that scary though? I mean going through something like that?"

Spock flashed to his fear when the le'mantya appearing from behind a rock and I-Chaya defending him.

"It was illogical to be in fear in the face of things one cannot logically control."

"Sometimes. But, I guess for us humans fear serves as a reminder of things we should not do."

"So does logic."

Uhura gave a chuckle and accidently brushed her bare arm against his bare arm. Cadet Uhura had no intention of the act to be sensuous and seemed innocently unaware of what she had done. Spock suddenly became aroused without warning. He became intimately aware of her presence and her space beside him, her much cooler skin marking its presence on his own. It was one thing to deal with her bare skin while sparring and training, but quite another in this context and without expecting it. He had touched the bare skin of a woman before, in both training and on social occasions, but he had never had this reaction before. He slightly blushed green in embarrassment and covered his groin with his forearms.

"Commander, are you okay?"

Spock rose quickly. "I have…I have to get to my meditations. Pardon me."

"Commander?"

"I will see you Monday, Cadet Uhura."

He walked straight out of the room, hoping that the cadet had not seen evidence of his growing attraction to her.

*****

He could sense her mood before she even walked fully in the door. Lightening struck as she placed her gym bag on the floor and she removed her hooded and rain soaked jacket on the floor.

"You are late, Cadet Uhura."

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Spock remained silent as she did her stretches. There were none of her usual warm smiles, or jokes, or occasional digs at his form of stretching. She seemed somber and…upset.

"Cadet Uhura, if you are having…."

"I'm fine!" she snapped and stood up. "Let's just spar, okay?"

Spock nodded his head and crouched into position. Uhura did the same. They circled one another and Spock attacked first, his fist jabbing at her midsection. Uhura avoided his blows. She aimed and hit his chest. Spock backed away from her, noticing how weak her hit was.

"Cadet Uhura…"

"Commander, please. Let's just fight."

Spock came back to his position again and they engaged once again. Spock tagged her on her leg and attempted to wrap his arms around her but Uhura flipped him with all her strength. Spock landed on the mat and then rolled as quickly as possible, avoiding her attempts to pin him down. He stood again and faced her.

"Cadet Uhura, if you are under emotional duress it may be better if we spar at another time."

"What is it with you?" Uhura answered. "Why aren't you listening to what I'm saying?"

"Cadet Uhura, as your commanding officer…."

"I don't get you. Don't you feel anything? Can't you feel anything?"

"Cadet, it would be wise if you…."

"No. I'm sick and tired of it. Let's fight."

"Cadet…"

He blocked her first punch coming from her but was unprepared for the elbow that landed directly on his nose. She was then on him, hitting him, fighting him. Spock finally caught her arms.

"Why don't you get it!" Uhura sobbed. "Why don't you get it? He was the only one who ever got me."

"Cadet Uhura, what is wrong?"

"He's gone, Commander. My…my grandfather is gone."

The sudden realization hit him and Spock let go of her arms. Uhura sunk to the floor and put her face in her hands and continued to cry. Spock did not know what to do. He had never dealt with a human going through the grieving process before. He did not know how to comfort her.

His mother came to his mind and he went to his knees. He stared at her a moment and then, cautiously, took her in his arms. She grabbed at him fiercely, crying about her loss, and he just held her quietly, not sure if he were holding her the right way or if she were comfortable. His hold was stiff and somewhat awkward as he held her crying, a small look of bewilderment on his face. This was what his mother did for him when he was a very young child before he embraced logic fully, her touch soothing his nightmares away and her humming letting him know that she would let no beast get to him. It was a human way of comfort, so it was logical to give Uhura her human need for touch in her distress. It took her ten minutes to calm down and when she did she looked up him, tears still gleaming in her eyes.

"Oh my goodness, I can't believe I just did that! I'm sorry, sir!"

She tried to back from his arms but Spock, surprisingly, held her where she was. She looked confused and unsure.

"You cannot help your emotion, Cadet Uhura. It is who you are. My mother is much the same way."

Uhura leaned her head to his chest. "I'm going to miss him so much. He was one of the best people in the world."

Spock held back his own thoughts in consideration to her. And there they sat, in one another arms, listening to the thunder.

******

"I passed."

"Congratulations, Cadet Uhura."

She gave him a big smile as she sat across from him at his desk. "That would have never happened without your help."

Spock nodded and looked down at his PADD. He felt her eyes on him.

"And I also want to say thank you for holding me when I needed it."

Spock looked up at Uhura once again. They had not much talked about what had happen the day her grandfather had died and his comfort of her. Their sparring had continued normally afterwards, he her instructor and she the student.

"It was something I would do for anyone in need."

It was the first time he had succumbed to his human desire to lie.


	7. Chapter 7: Touch

2257: Spring Leave

The pain had hit Spock harder than he had ever felt. This was supposed to have been a routine shuttle exercise but as he felt his own shuttle plummet from space he knew that there was a high probability for his own death.

Two cadets had perished before his own shuttle had started its descent towards Earth. Cadet Jones had misread a flight maneuver and it had cost him and the other cadet their lives. Spock had tried to avoid impact as much as he could but the debris from the other shuttlecrafts tore into his own, smashing the side of his craft and impacting his movement.

Before he hit the ocean he thought of his mother. And his father. And surprisingly, of Cadet Uhura.

"Fascinating." Was Spock's last thought before he hit the water.

*******

They told him it was a minor miracle that he had survived. He had been lucky that space pods had detected his fall from space and contacted the Earth water patrol guards to his rescue. He had went into a healing trance for seven days, but his body was still bandaged with derma-strips and his senses were not quite all there. His doctors had told him he would be fully functional in a month if he followed their instructions and let his broken bones heal.

It was to his surprise when his father came into his medical room and said he would care for him at the Vulcan Embassy in Paris. He had not objected to his father's request and a few days later found himself overlooking the sights and hearing the sounds of Paris.

"Your mother is on her way from Vulcan now." Sarek commented as a personal nurse changed Spock's bandages. "She wanted to come as soon as she heard but I delayed her out of thoughts of your own convalescence. I assumed you wished for your privacy."

"Indeed, father. That was a wise course of action."

Spock looked from the window into his father's impassive brown eyes. "I wish to thank you…"

"There is no need for thanks." Sarek cut him off and turned away from his son and out the room. Spock turned his head back to the streets of Paris as if nothing had happened.

*******

His thoughts, as it were, drifted often to Nyota Uhura. She, before his accident, was on leave for three weeks back to her home. Before she had left, she sounded excited to see her parents and her grandmother for the first time in months. Coming towards her fourth year, she knew she would soon be assigned on a spaceship and be gone from her family for a long period of time, so it was prudent to spend as much time with her family as she could.

They had spent many hours together, he as her teacher, and she as his student intern. They had often shared dinner together over papers or made music together, he on his harp, she with her voice. Spock had become…used to her presence. He was even more surprised to find himself wanting her nearby to sing or tell a human joke to see if he would laugh. But most of all he was finding he missed her touch.

She had become much more open with her touch since he held her after the death of her grandfather. Small brushes of his hands, easy touches on his collar, gentle hugs as greeting or goodbye. There was one time where she has held his face in her hands, jokingly, to show him how greetings in her family went.

These touches inflamed him every time. Part of him wanted to tell her it was inappropriate to touch him in such ways, but another part welcomed it. Her touch felt…good. It felt right. It made him feel less lonely and reminded him of the soothing touch his mother used to give him. He was sure Uhura would be very flattered to know she was the only human, other than his mother, that got to touch him in such ways.

He wondered if she had heard of his accident? Whether she cared he was injured?

Spock took in a sigh and turned in his bed. It was all irrelevant. He would recover and go back to the Academy. He would tell Cadet Uhura that her touches were inappropriate. He would not think on her again. He had crossed a line with Nyota and had to stop it at once.

He closed his eyes and had the unfortunate luck of dreaming of her.

********

"Spock!"

"Mother, I assure you I am fine."

He hated to see her cry. Hated the fact that she was seeing him like this. Amanda wiped the tears from her face as she looked upon his broken form.

"His injuries aren't life threatening, Amanda. He is fine."

"Sarek, you know I do not like to see him hurt."

"He is fine. You do not need to coddle him."

"Yes, because we both know abandoning him is just fine!"

Sarek seemed struck by her last sentence but then his face returned to normal. Spock felt Amanda take his hand and kiss it.

"I'm going to be here until you get better. I'm not going to leave you."

"Mother, I will be fine. The doctors have said I am already healing nicely."

"I know. And we will be following Doctor's orders until you are 100%"

*****

"Captain Pike." Spock knew he was unable to stand at attention so he tried his best to simple look attentive.

"Commander Spock, I heard you had a rough accident."

"I shall live."

The captain took a small seat next to him in a chair. "Nice view."

"It is indeed, captain."

"I heard that you have been cleared of all wrong doing in your inquiry. Cadet Jones tried to hotshot his thrusters and misaimed. "

"Yes, I regret his loss of life."

Captain Pike gave a small smile. "I know you've been trained to be diplomatic, Spock, but you don't have to pretend to be emotional with me."

Spock arched an eyebrow. He had not known he was so obvious.

"Then I regret to inform you that I have no emotion in regards to his passing."

"I like that you are truthful. It is something I believe I'll admire in you as a first officer."

Spock sat up and gazed at the captain. Was this one of those human practical jokes?

"I do not know what to…"

"Spock, I've looked at your record. You are one of the most decorated officers in Starfleet. You have an uncanny intellect and a superior grasp of knowledge. Even though you have never been assigned a permanent ship, you have been instrumental in a number of discoveries onboard different Starfleet vessels. When the Enterprise is commissioned I want you to join me."

*******

His was healing very well and for the first time went on a run. His mother had been slightly worried at his exertion but he had soothed those worries by pointing out his doctor advice to return to mobility after his latest check up.

She had been very much like his mother of old by making sure his laundry was clean and his food ready when he was during his recovery. Which is why he was surprised to find that Amanda did not have his breakfast for him when he returned from his run. He heard a small moan in the upper part of the house and tipped his head.

"Mother?" He walked up the stairs in the private part of the embassy and towards his father's room. Another moan echoed.

He pushed the chime on the side of the door and heard movement in the room stop.

"Yesss!" He heard.

"Mother, are you and father inside?"

"Spock…uh…come back later."

Spock raised his eyebrow. "Mother? Are you feeling well?"

"Spock, I said come back later! I'm fine."

"You do not sound…"

"Spock. Your mother says she's fine. Leave us."

Another sharp moan pierced the air and Spock suddenly blushed.

"I am sorry for the interruption."

A moan answered him as he retreated downstairs.

*******

"Spock, there is a young lady here to see you."

Spock turned from his work to see his mother at the door and another face that made him stand up.

"Commander Spock…I'm glad you are okay."

"I am fine, Cadet Uhura."

Amanda cleared her throat and Spock noticed her nervousness.

"I'll give you some time alone."

Spock returned his gaze to Uhura and barely noticed his mother take leave. The panel swished behind her, leaving Spock and Uhura alone.

"I wanted to visit you sooner but your father advised me not to."

"It was wise of him. " Spock said, not really meaning it.

"I…I uh…I heard that you'll be back to the Academy in a couple of weeks."

"Yes, my recovery is taking a little longer than I expected."

Uhura kept her hands behind her back and Spock did the same. She was jittery and Spock felt an overwhelming need to go to her. But he had to stay still. He could not give into base desires.

"Did you have a good vacation with your family?"

She gave a smile as her eyes watered. "Yes. It was a very good visit."

Spock was unsure who moved first but soon her hands were around his neck and his arms enveloped her waist. She put her head on his chest and he could feel the hot tears through his thin black tunic.

"When I heard I thought they were going to tell me you died."

"I am fine, Cadet Uhura."

She lifted her head and moved her hands to his face. "Don't ever do that to me again!"

"This is irration--"

Her kiss cut him off. He felt her move her hands through is his hair and he backed her up against his cabinet. He felt on fire. Out of control. His erection strained through his pants he moved her closer to his bed.

"Spock…" She gasped as he felt her bottom. "Spock…I…"

"Nyota." His whispered and he lowered her to the bed. He kissed her this time and lifted her arms above her head. She had plagued his thoughts for months. His dreams. He could not be logical about her.

"Spock!" His mother's voice cut through the lust of his mind. "Spock? Is everything okay in there?"

"Yes, mother." Spock leaned up as Uhura pushed him away. "Everything is fine."

"Dinner will be ready in a minute." He heard his mother's footsteps walk away.

"Oh my god!" Nyota straighten her dress. "This shouldn't have happened."

"But it did, Cadet Uhura."

"I'm…your career…I've got to go."

She ran out of the room without even a goodbye.


End file.
